Though I'm Past One Hundred Thousand Miles
by OliviaR5Warbler
Summary: Stamets has a secret he's kept from Tilly since her assignment on Discovery. After growing close and almost losing her, he feels the time has come to make it right. Inspired by the events of season 2 episodes 4 and 5.


Paul sighed, finally able to hold Hugh in his arms again. In their quarters. In their bed. Holding him tight as he slept through his healing. Hugh had spent so long in the network, there was no telling how it had affected him mentally. He'd get a psych-eval before returning to duty, obviously and Paul was sure Star Fleet would provide counselling. But this wasn't the only thing troubling Paul. Hugh wasn't the only person on his mind.

Sylvia Tilly was also present in his thoughts. The Ensign he'd been assigned against his will upon her placement on Discovery. Now, however, things had changed. In ways she had no idea. When he'd first laid eyes on her, his only thoughts were that it couldn't be true. There was no way. Tilly looked just like Siobhan. He'd broken countless rules trying to disprove his own theory. Hugh had found him, with his Medical-PADD.

"_Paul, what are you doing?" He asked, taking it from his husband's shock-still fingers._

"_I had to know, I wanted so badly to be wrong," Paul said distantly. _

"_Paul, what are you talking about?" Hugh unlocked the PADD to find the medical records of the new Ensign he'd done an introductory check on that morning. "Paul, these records are confidential, what were you thinking?"_

"_I'm sorry, I just had to know." Paul answered, looking ashamed._

"_Know what? Paul, you're scaring me."_

"_Her date of birth. You remember we told each other everything? All our pasts, so there were no surprises?"_

"_Vividly."_

"_Mine surprised me. She looks just like her mother."_

"_Paul, what are you telling me?"_

"_I'm likely her father," Hugh looked down at the smiling photo provided with the record. "I wanted to be wrong. I really did."_

"_Well there's only one way to find out. And don't worry. We'll keep this off the record."_

Hugh had kept his secret. The breaking protocol, the tests and the fact he was, as much as he wished he wasn't, Tilly's father. Fast-forwarding to the present, Paul was regretting keeping the truth from Tilly. He'd tried shutting her out and transferring, but he couldn't do it. Tilly was growing on him and when she'd been taken, he'd never known fear like it. His heart was in his throat and pounding. Getting both Hugh and Tilly returned to him had been a relief. A huge relief.

The problem he now faced was that he had kept this from her and everyone for so long, he didn't know how to tell her. How could he? This would be a huge impact on both of their lives. Knowing he had kept this from her, for over a year, it could destroy the relationship they'd built. Their alarm sounded rousing Hugh in his arms, he turned to face Paul.

"Did you get any sleep?" He asked, smiling.

"A little, but I couldn't bare to wake up and find it was all a dream," he smiled back and pecked Hugh's lips.

Pike had given Paul, Hugh, Tilly and Michael a few days off after their venture into the Network. Paul wanted to spend time with his husband, getting him caught up with the events of the ship. The truth about Lorca, their trip to the Mirror Verse and how his visions of Hugh saved Discovery.

Hugh asked.

Paul knew he would.

"No, I um, haven't told her." He replied, "honestly, I don't know how at this point."

"You'll find a way," Hugh assured him.

"I hope so, I almost lost her once, I just don't want to lose her again."

A couple of days later when Hugh left to attend his psych-eval, Paul decided to stretch his legs around the ship, Hugh would meet him in the canteen for lunch. When he got there, he spotted Tilly, half asleep in her food. He got his food and sat across from her, startling her awake.

"Hey kiddo."

"Wah," Tilly jumped.

"Hey, just me, deep breath, you OK?"

"Yeah, sorry, didn't really sleep last night," Tilly told him. "How's Hugh?" She asked, changing the subject.

"He's good, all things considered, he's at his psych-eval, said to meet him here."

"Oh, I'll-"

"No, Tilly, stay, I think it's time I introduced you as my colleague to him anyway." Tilly settled back into her seat, mentally freaking that her boss and idol just called her his colleague.

Hugh arrived after a few minutes, tray in hand. "Hey guys," he greeted, kissing his husband. "How're you Tilly?"

"A little tired but not bad, thanks." Tilly's communicator beeped, "I gotta go before I'm late for my evaluation. See you later Commander," she said, collecting her trash to throw out on her way. As she left Hugh squeezed Paul's hand in support.

"I'm going to do it," Paul declared that evening, in their quarters. Hugh looked up from his book. "I'm going to ask her to come around and I'll tell her, like pulling off a band-aid, so I can't chicken out again," Hugh looked back to his book.

"Whatever you say dear," he shook his head, this was the fifth time Paul had made that declaration in the last forty minutes. He watched as Paul picked up his communicator, opened it… reclosed it and put it back down. Paul slumped on the couch by Hugh's feet. Hugh put down his book and shuffled up the couch. "Paul talk to me, what's the scary part?"

"I can't lose her. I don't want to drive her away or for her to get upset."

"You have to tell her sometime. Now is probably best, when she has a few days off-duty to process it all. I can be here or make myself scarce, whatever you need."

"Thanks," Paul sighed, "I love you, I don't know what I did to deserve you, but I know I don't." Paul opened his communicator and asked Tilly to come to his quarters.

The message flashed up on Tilly's PADD as she brushed her teeth. Confused she read it and got dressed in comfy civilian clothes before making the journey. Knocking, Tilly started chewing her lip, nervous. She had no idea what Stamets would want. He'd never contacted her out of shift unless he really needed a report from her. Hugh answered the door, smiling at her. He invited her in, noting the tiredness and distress on her face. Hugh walked passed her, into the room, placing a hand on his husband's shoulder. Giving it a squeeze, he retreated to their bedroom. Stamets stood, he looked as nervous as she felt. "Tilly, please, come sit. I have a confession to make and I want to apologise."

"What?" Tilly's face screwed up, confused, as she sat.

"OK," Stamets took a deep breath, "when you first joined Discovery, I found something out that I've kept from you. It was selfish, and it was wrong of me," he said, sitting beside her.

"What're you talking about?"

"When I first saw you, do you remember what I said?"

"You said 'no' a lot and I believe handed me off to someone else."

"Correct. Tilly, I- When I saw you, I didn't see you. I saw your mother."

"My mom? I'm confused, what do you mean?"

Paul sighed. "I knew your mom, when I was a lot younger. Before the academy, we trained together then one thing lead to another and-. I was going through a very confusing time in my life, truly, Tilly, you have to know, I did love her. So much. When we called it off, I didn't know. I didn't know about you."

"What're you saying?" Tilly was worried.

"Tilly, I'm your father."

"No," Tilly whispered. "No, you couldn't- how?"

"I checked the dates, Tilly, they match. I can't tell you how long it took me to come to terms with this. I never thought it could happen," Paul explained.

"How long?" Tilly asked, on the brink of tears. "How long have you known?"

"A little over a year."

"A year?" Tears spilled over her cheeks. "You've known this for a year? And you never said anything?"

"Tilly consider for me my position here. If you'd known, if _they'd_ have known, they could have moved you ships, you wouldn't have had the experiences you have. You'd have been on another ship and probably killed in the war. And back then, I can tell you, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid. Then I almost lost you, the other day. I've never known fear like it," he admitted. "I would have given anything for that creature to have taken me instead. I didn't want to lose you. I never want to come close to losing you again. Tilly, please say something?"

"I think- I need- I'm sorry, I have to go," Tilly stood, making a bee-line for the door. Paul let her go, she needed time and he'd give it to her. He'd give her as long as she needed.

Hugh peaked his head out of their bedroom, left and sat beside Paul, a comforting hand on his shoulder. "She said she needs time, I can give her that."

Tilly returned to the quarters she shared with Michael, who was already asleep. She laid awake, staring at the ceiling, processing what Stamets had told her. Tilly never remembered a time before her mother had met her step-father. She had been too young to remember anything before. Her step-father treated her no different to his own daughter, her sister. Then he'd died in the line of duty, her sister was taken away by her own mother and Tilly wouldn't see her for months at a time. Being a 'Fleet Brat' as kids of crew-men and women were called, could be a lonely existence. It had been for Tilly. Moving around so much she never really made friends, the only thing she had as a constant was her brilliant mind, nurtured by Star Fleet until she was able to enrol.

The covers lifted as Michael climbed into her bed, "move over, I can hear you thinking in my sleep," they laid on their sides. "What's up?"

"Stamets asked me to go to his quarters earlier. He told me something and it's pretty difficult to process," Tilly explained.

"It's OK if you don't want to share," Michael assured her softly.

"No, um, I want to, it's just hard. Stamets is… My father. He's my dad and he's known and kept this from me for about a year," fresh tears rolled over her cheeks. Michael brushed them away with her thumb. "He's always been my hero and getting to work with him was my dream, then he drops this bombshell, that he's hidden from me, for so long? I don't know what to do Michael."

"Take your time and think it over. I'm sure Stamets wouldn't have done what he did without reason?"

"He told me those too. He said if people found out, we wouldn't have gotten to work together, but also he had selfish reasons."

"Do you think he was just scared? I'm sure that even for Stamets, finding out he has a daughter that is as smart and brilliant as you are? That's gotta be pretty scary."

"Maybe."

"I'm not saying you have to accept what he's saying, but maybe he had a reason and it's not what it first seems."

"Thank you Michael," Tilly said softly, "you always know how to make me feel better."

"No problem Tilly. Try and get some sleep, sleep cycle ends in an hour." Tilly tried, but she still couldn't sleep, having Michael with her was calming though and she did manage to get some rest. A cold shower also helped perk her up before breakfast. She ate with Michael, trying not to face-plant her oatmeal.

Later, when she had perked up some more from over-tiredness, Tilly decided to brave Stamets again. She arrived at his quarters, Hugh opened the door again, smiling. "Hey Tilly, come on in."

"Thanks, um, is Stamets- I mean, is my father in?"

"He's gone for his psych-eval, then he's going to check the spore-drive. You're welcome to wait here for him?"

"I don't think I'd be very good company right now," Tilly said, nervously pulling at her sleeve and rubbing her eye.

"Are you alright?" Hugh asked, concerned as his medical training kicked in.

Tilly thought about lying, but her brain decided she was too tired for that. "I haven't really been sleeping, the last few days. Seeing my dead friend, spore parasite, getting kidnapped by said parasite into the network, not conducive to a good nights' sleep."

"Well come sit down," he lead her to sit on one of the couches "he won't be long and considering you look about ready to pass out, I wouldn't feel right with you leaving," he said bringing her a cool glass of water.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"Now kick off your shoes and take a nap. He says he won't be long, but you know how he feels about the spore-drive." Tilly, too tired to argue, did as she was told, settling back into the small couch where she unexpectedly drifted off.

Paul left his psych-eval, striding with purpose to check on the spore-drive. He'd promised Hugh he wouldn't be long, but he had to know nothing had cropped up without him being informed. He let himself in and ran all the checks, undisturbed. Before long he found himself returning to his quarters that for so long had felt empty. As he drew nearer he could hear the classical music playing, a smile spread over his face. Letting himself inside he was greeted by his husband, putting down his book to kiss him. Hugh put his finger to his lips, nodding at the opposite couch where Paul saw Tilly, sound asleep, covered with Hugh's soft throw blanket. "Is she alright?"

"She's had a little trouble sleeping. I told her to take a nap while she waited for you." Paul smiled softly.

"Sorry I took so long, how long's she been out?"

"A little over an hour now. We should wake her, or she won't sleep next cycle," Hugh told him.

"I'll do it, should we eat dinner here?" Paul asked, perching on the edge of the couch Tilly was napping on. Hugh nodded and went to fire up their in-quarters replicator. Paul placed a hand on Tilly's shoulder, giving her a gentle shake, "hey sleepy-head. How're you feeling?"

"A little better, thanks," Tilly sat and stretched, "um, I just wanted to let you know, I understand why you may not have told me you were my father right away and looking back at how I was when I was first assigned, I can't say I wouldn't have done the same in your position."

"No, Tilly it was wrong and selfish of me. You're my daughter and I should've treated you better," he tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. "That's what I'm going to do from now on. I'm so proud of you."

"Could- um, could I please have a hug?"

Paul smiled, "of course," sliding his arm around her Paul gave his daughter a proper hug. "Come on, join us for dinner, there's someone I should introduce you to," taking Tilly by the hand he brought her to the small dining set in their quarters. "Tilly this is Hugh, my husband, Hugh, this is Tilly, my daughter, she'll be joining us for dinner."

"Well, nice to meet you Tilly, Paul's told me so much about you," Hugh brought her into his arms in a warm, welcoming hug. Over dinner they discussed how their lives would be affected by Paul's confession. He agreed Tilly could call him 'dad' but only when they weren't on shift and Hugh made it clear she was always welcome in their home.

On and off Discovery.

"Are you going to tell your mom?" Paul asked, the question had been on his mind since his confession, it was of course her choice, but he would have liked to know.

Tilly went quiet, "I don't know, I haven't actually heard anything from her since the war. She's not listed as missing or dead, but we haven't been in touch."

"Well if you decide to or manage to get in touch we're here for you Tilly. You're family." Paul and Hugh both covered one of her hands with theirs.

"Thank you," Tilly whispered, fighting back grateful tears.

As the sleep cycle grew closer Tilly said goodnight to Hugh and Paul walked her back through the ship to her own quarters. "Thanks for walking me back," Tilly smiled.

"No problem, I want to apologise for how I acted when I found this out. You don't have to, but it would mean the world if you could find it in you to forgive me."

"Of course, I can. Even though you kept it from me, you were already my hero. I'd read all of your papers, you looked out for me, taught me everything I know. You risked the spore-drive and Discovery to save my life. That tells me more than words ever could. Goodnight. Dad."

"Goodnight Tilly," Paul hugged Tilly one more time before returning to Hugh, who was reading in bed.

"Everything OK?" Hugh asked, marking his page.

"Everything's great. I have my amazing husband back," Paul crawled over his side of the bed to kiss Hugh, "and a brilliant daughter, who after everything is willing to forgive me. Right now, I'm the luckiest guy in the universe," he kissed Hugh again. "I love you."

"I love you too," Hugh returned, setting down his book and deepening their kiss.


End file.
